LEading With Purpose (When You don't know Yours)
“Why am I here?”
I’ve been around the theological block long enough to know the answer to this age-old question: to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
And while the beauty of that answer is enough to take my breath away, it still sometimes leaves me gasping for air.
Call it self-serving curiosity, or call it wanting to serve to the best of my ability, but sometimes I want to know more.
I don’t just want to know why God created humanity…
I want to know why, given His wisdom and goodness, He chose to make me.
If you’re anything like me, you’re probably asking these questions, too. Questions like:
What was His reason?
How do I fit into the plan?
And would He say I’m doing a good job?
I’ve tried to ignore this, thinking, “It’s okay- my purpose can just be to glorify God in whatever I’m doing.”
But I’m increasingly confronted with research and advice that says otherwise.
For example, in her research on grit, Angela Duckworth has identified purpose- or, “the idea that what we do matters to people other than ourselves” as one of the key motivating factors to people who persist and lead in the face of obstacles.
I want to be a leader other people can depend on.
More than that, I want to be a person who sticks things out.
But how do you know what to stick with if you don’t know which things in your life you’ve been uniquely called and created to do?
A couple of years ago, in one of my first-ever therapy sessions, my counselor looked and me and said, “Do you know what your purpose is?”
And I just stared at her, blankly. I was thinking, “I just told you, I’m crying every day. Small things that are of no importance stress me out. I feel insecure about everything in life right now, and you’re asking me if I know what my purpose is?”
As you can guess, the answer was no.
I’ve had a lot of questions since then, questions like, “What about the type of purpose that some people call a calling? Is that reserved for a select few? Or is it something everyone can have?”
And the more I read and hear from leaders who are making a difference, the more I’m convinced it’s something that’s open to everyone.
I’m inspired by Gordon MacDonald’s distinction in Ordering Your Private World between living a driven life and a called life. I’m paraphrasing here, but he paints a portrait of someone who is driven as someone who is going somewhere- anywhere (but often nowhere meaningful)- at breakneck speed. A called person, however, has a direction. A sense of purpose. They know where they’re going and why they’re going that direction.
That’s what I crave in my life.
At this point in the story, you may be expecting me to tell you how I found my purpose, my reason for being and existing. To tell you how you can do the same.
Spoiler: I haven’t.
I’m sorry if that disappoints you- it’s frustrating for me, too.
It’s not that I haven’t prayed about it or thought about it. And I haven’t given up…
But, I’m still in my twenties, and quite frankly I’m not sure if I’ve experienced enough to know with any certainty what my purpose for living is.
When I do find it, you can BET I’m going to go after it with everything I have.
But… In the meantime, I still have to lead. And you do, too.
So, what are we to do?
If you can’t lead from a place of peace about why God put you on this planet, you still have to show up at your job, at your ministry, in your family, and lead well.
And you still have to keep trying to figure out why God put you on this planet.
Here are a few ways I’m trying to balance that in my own life- I’d love to hear if you have more you’d add to this list!
Borrow Someone Else's Purpose
“You’re better off with a rented sense of purpose than no purpose at all.” –Les MecKeown
I’m not telling you to plagarize your life’s purpose. For the record, I’m a HUGE fan of intellectual copyright laws, but it’s not just that- I genuinely believe that God made you special and He loves you very much (thanks VeggieTales!)
Which means- your life’s purpose is probably going to be unique. You aren’t going to find it floating around somewhere else.
What I AM saying is that if you don’t know your calling but you don’t want to be aimless, one of the best ways to compensate for that is to lean into the mission of the organization in which you serve.
I’m super fortunate to work at a company that’s mission and values-driven. Every day that we show up to work at Church Marketing University, we know why we’re there: to help make heaven crowded. And, we know how we do it: by helping local churches get more visitors every single week.
I don’t really know what my purpose as and individual is, but that’s a mission I can get behind!
If you’re not as fortunate to work someplace where the values and mission are spelled out (or, worse, if they are spelled out and you don’t find them compelling), a good alternative would be to ask the people you admire at your workplace what helps them show up every day.
Chances are, they’ll share something that will resonate with you, too! Which brings me to my second point…
Ask Other People
This one comes with a HUGE caveat: it has to be people you trust and admire. They’re safe, and you want to be like them.
It’s amazing the insights that other people have into what makes us tick.
My husband and I recently attended the Global Leadership Summit, where we heard Vanessa Van Edwards talk about the stories we tell ourselves, as humans. She pointed out that our personal narratives tend to fall into one of three categories. We see ourselves as either the hero, helper, or victim.
I immediately knew my husband’s! (And he agreed!) Mine was a little harder for us to figure out, mostly because I was just confused. I didn’t think any of the categories described me, but I figured it out over the next few months as we talked. It was the one my husband first guessed for me. 😂
It’s funny, isn’t it, how we can sometimes see other people more clearly than we can see ourselves?
That being said, you probably don’t walk around guessing your friends’ purpose for living (that could make for some awkward water cooler chats). And they probably couldn’t just straight-up tell you yours. They can, however, help you answer questions that can help get you closer.
Here are some great questions to ask someone you trust as you’re trying to discover your purpose:
- What are some of the things I’m most passionate talking about?
- Are there things about which you’d always come to me for advice? What are they?
- What are some things that just make me unhappy, like, that you don’t see being connected to who I am or why I’m on this planet?
- Is there anything that I should let other people do for me more often?
- What would you say are my priorities in life?
- What makes me light up?
When Things Get Hard, Get Curious
One of the main advantages I see that people who know their purpose have over the rest of us:
When you know why you’re on this earth, you have clarity about what you should be doing with your time.
So, because I don’t have that shining guiding principle behind everything I do, I need to work around that when it comes to making decisions.
Because even if I don’t know my purpose, I still want to live a meaningful life- and that comes by paying attention to the right things and ignoring everything else. (Or, as Kendra Adachi says, “Being a genius about the things that matter and lazy about everything else.”)
This comes most clearly into focus when things get hard or messy.
So, because I can’t just say, “Does this or does this not line up with what I’m trying to do with my life?” I have to ask other questions. Questions like:
- Why do I want to quit this thing? (Or, “why is this discouraging me right now?)
- What purpose in my life was this serving when I started? (This includes others-centered purposes like “Being a good friend”)
- Does this activity still serve that purpose?
- Is that purpose still important to me?
- If yes: do I have other things that serve that purpose equally well?
- If no: why is that goal no longer important to me? Was it a case of misplaced priorities at the start, a change in circumstances, or just that I’m overwhelmed right now?
These help me get to the bottom of why something is or isn’t important- and they’ve helped me stick with things MUCH longer than I otherwise would have if I’d based my actions purely on emotions.
Focus On Becoming
“God is… more interested in the person you are becoming than in your work, or your ministry, or your job.” -Dallas Willard, Life Without Lack
I’m going to be straight-up honest with you here:
I’m beginning to suspect that part of the reason I don’t know my life’s purpose yet is because God knows it wouldn’t be good for me to know it right now.
See, I have a tendency to place my value in what I can accomplish.
I don’t think this is abnormal for most leaders. I don’t think it’s even that unusual for people, period. We all like to feel like how we spend our days matters.
And if I knew exactly what I should be accomplishing, I’d probably obsess over that instead of seeking Him.
I’d probably plow people over in my pursuit of that goal.
In other words, I’d focus more on doing than on being.
So for now, I have a lot of questions about why I’m here and why God made me. That can be confusing and frustrating at times, but it’s freeing too. I get to use this time to focus on God and on becoming the person He wants me to be (which is a little more straightforward- albeit still difficult- because I can just follow Scripture).
And when all else fails, I’d encourage you to do the same! As Dallas Willard so eloquently put it: “God is more interested in your life than he is in any of the other things listed above. He’s more interested in the person you are becoming than in your work, or your ministry, or your job.”
May that be the attitude of our hearts, too. ❤️ May we be so interested in who God is shaping us to be, that other things fall into their rightful place.